Special thank you to everyone who helped me with the bake sale outside Fred’s yesterday. We managed to raise over 1 million dollars, which is now going toward inbred monkey research in Somalia. We’re hoping that the monkeys, who have recently discovered psychic powers due to their repetitive, uncomfortable exposure to large-scale radioactive objects, will eventually lead us to the messiah. Actually, no one came to my bake sale – and I’m guessing that no one is reading this blog. Because no one cares. You bastards.